he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
