YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
