Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
