My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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