I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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