There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
