Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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