Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
