I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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