I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
