I bet he comes in French.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
