i permit you to call me
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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