my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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