Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
