Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
