Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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