We won't sleep together?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
