my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
