I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When are your genitals available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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