fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
