Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need a beard to bite.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
