I'm sorry my penis didn't work
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
