I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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