I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
