Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
