She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's the barista slut.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They have beer where we have blood.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
