I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
