She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
