Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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