yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
