Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
