Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
