after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
