My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
