I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
