apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
