Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
