This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
