omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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