Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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