he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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