We won't sleep together?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I want to fling myself into the sun
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
