I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
