i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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