Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
