It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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