youre lurking in front of me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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