Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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