my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
