we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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