apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
