so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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