Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
