is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
