just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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