The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
