no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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