eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
