Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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